Tuesday, July 28, 2015


I'm finding this aspect of motherhood - the letting go, the transition from he needs me to he is an adult - far harder than anything that has gone before. I wrote a poem about it today. 

And in honor of this time, today's henna design (day two) is the symbol of the Crone goddess Hecate. 

The sky cracks 
    In a stroke I am sundered in a way
         only a child can break your heart. 
There is loss
There is grief
There is guilt
  but there is a way forward. 
The goddess knows the way. 
                  I want to hold on, a jealous dragon
                       a mother hen aching to gather her
                             chick to her breast
   but there is a chasm that will not allow it. 
Did I create it?  This distance, did I push...
      No, he wandered
   as he was bound to do
                    and I am still here in this place, 
                        This empty nest, asking
Who am I now?
Who are we?

          If you were a lover I would say,
     "Let's go our separate ways, I cannot take this pain,"
...but you are a part of me Forever, and if I lost that part
   There would be no healing
for me
or for you. 

I was your rock --
No, that's not right. 
            I AM YOUR ROCK. 
    I have not moved, you have, but there is a way to brudge the gulf between us

      trial by fire

  and in my deepest heart echoes
if I let go
if I let go
if I let go...

It is time for the Wheel to turn
time for Mother to become Crone
time to redefine me as you are redefining you
and we define Us, together. 

There is grief at this loss, at the boy who is gone,
But all endings are also beginnings.