Hecate

I'm finding this aspect of motherhood - the letting go, the transition from he needs me to he is an adult - far harder than anything that has gone before. I wrote a poem about it today. 

And in honor of this time, today's henna design (day two) is the symbol of the Crone goddess Hecate. 

The sky cracks 

    In a stroke I am sundered in a way

         only a child can break your heart. 

There is loss

There is grief

There is guilt

  but there is a way forward. 

The goddess knows the way. 

                  I want to hold on, a jealous dragon

                       a mother hen aching to gather her

                             chick to her breast

   but there is a chasm that will not allow it. 

Did I create it?  This distance, did I push...

      No, he wandered

   as he was bound to do

                    and I am still here in this place, 

                        This empty nest, asking

Who am I now?

Who are we?

          If you were a lover I would say,

     "Let's go our separate ways, I cannot take this pain,"

...but you are a part of me Forever, and if I lost that part

   There would be no healing

for me

or for you. 

I was your rock --

No, that's not right. 

            I AM YOUR ROCK. 

    I have not moved, you have, but there is a way to brudge the gulf between us

      trial by fire

  and in my deepest heart echoes

if I let go

if I let go

if I let go...

It is time for the Wheel to turn

time for Mother to become Crone

time to redefine me as you are redefining you

and we define Us, together. 

There is grief at this loss, at the boy who is gone,

But all endings are also beginnings.